Waiting For My Real Life to Begin
by akkio-sama
Summary: "I'm never going to forgive you for this, McGee." "I know." After a bad day, Tony And McGee have a conversation in the squad room. Oneshot. WARNING: Character death.


The bullpen was cloaked in an oppressive silence, and Special Agent Tony DiNozzo knew that the fault lay at the feet of only one person. He couldn't remember the last time he had felt this angry at someone. He thought it might have been sometime around when Kate had died though.

It was dark in the bullpen, much past time that most other agents had left the building. Tony stood alone, staring at his teams workspace. He imagined the team all at there desks, like they had been earlier that day. The images were all smiling and laughing with each other, and Tony wanted to just grab his imaginary self and throttle him, telling him to wipe that smile off his face.

"You should go home, Tony."

Tony whirled around at the voice, staring at the last person he wanted to see. "Go away, McGee. This is all your fault."

"I know."

"I hate you." He was so angry at McGee, he wanted nothing more than to reach out and hit him. Gibbs smack him so hard he'd have a concussion. Tony clenched his fists at his sides to keep from acting out.

"I know, Tony." McGee look so calm. How could he be so calm about this? Didn't he know what he had done?

"I'll never forgive you for this, McGee."

"I know you won't, Tony. I'd feel the same in your shoes."

"But you're not in my shoes McGee! And that's just it! How could you? How could you do this to the team? To me?" The silence after Tony's shouting seem even more absolute than it had been when he had arrived to the bullpen. It was so heavy, and seemed to hold Tony's words in the air even after he had finished.

"I had to."

"No you didn't Probie! I could have handled it myself! I didn't need your help!"

"I know."

* * *

_Earlier that day_

It had been a slow week at NCIS for the Major Crime Response Team, and they all were glad that it was a Friday, none more so than Very Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo. He had a special date coming up this weekend and didn't mind telling anyone with ears all about it.

"...and she's got this body like you wouldn't believe McGeek. Makes good use out of it too. She's a _gymnast. _Can you imagine the things she can do? Well, I for one won't have to. I plan on experiencing it first hand." DiNozzo had a roguish smile on his face as he sat on the corner of McGee's desk, illustrating his date for the weekend.

"Tony," McGee started with an exasperated huff, "I'm working right now, something that you should be doing, and I don't really care about this girl Verona-"

"Veronica! Geez, Probie, no wonder why you can't get a girl. You can't even remember their names!"

"Whatever, Tony." And with that, McGee went back to work, steadfastly ignoring his older co-worker.

DiNozzo seemed put out for a second, before he grinned and turned to the only other person in the area.

"If you bother me with your date tonight, Tony, I will not hesitate to excavate you with a paperclip." Ziva cut him off before he could even begin speaking.

"I think you mean eviscerate, Ziva." McGee supplied helpfully.

"Yes, thank you McGee."

Dejected, Tony went back to his desk, but before he could even finish sitting down, Gibbs came around the corner.

"Grab your gear, we've got a dead Seaman."

The team all grabbed their backpacks and hurried after him. Once in the elevator, Gibbs smacked Tony across the back of his head.

"Ow! What was that for, Boss?"

"Slacking off when I was gone."

"Oh. Thanks Boss."

The elevator doors shut.

* * *

The case itself seemed pretty open and shut. At the crime scene, Ziva found a bag of cocaine as well as needles to inject it with. During autopsy, Ducky found signs of drug overdose in the kidneys and heart, and labeled it cause of death when Abby found a lethal dose in his blood.

However, it was McGee's find that made the case.

"Boss, I've got something off of Seaman Nichols' laptop."

"Ya, well whats is it McGee?"

McGee typed a few things into the keyboard before turning it so Gibbs could see. "It seems our Seaman did more than just use drugs. He dealt them too. Look here, it says that theres a deal going on with some suppliers at 1700."

Gibbs checked his clock. 1652. He swore. "Grab your bags everybody. McGee, get me the address of the place this is occurring. DiNozzo, make sure Agent Sanders is still here and get his team on as back up. Hurry up and lets get going!"

They all rushed to get their tasks done. McGee grabbed a paper from the printer while Tony had a hurried conversation with one of the other Team Leads in the bullpen and Ziva ran down to get the car. In a minute they were all heading towards the location listed in the email.

* * *

"Why is it always a creepy deserted warehouse?" Tony asked as he put on his bulletproof jacket. "I mean, can't the criminals ever be original. What about a drug deal in like, The Cheesecake Factory? That would at least be delicious as well."

"DiNozzo! Stop yapping and hurry up with that vest. Lets get going!" Gibbs didn't slap him though, instead just settling for glaring.

"Yes Boss."

"Sanders' team is gonna head around back and cover the warehouse's only other exit. DiNozzo, you and McGee are going in first. David and I will be right behind you. Stay on guard, these guys are probably armed and I don't need you getting shot. Understood?"

"Yes Boss." This time the entire team answered and together they all headed off to the abandoned building. The other team was already in position and after a quick countdown over the headsets, they all entered simultaneously with weapons drawn.

The warehouse was almost completely empty, except for a few small grouping of boxes and a dozen or so of men seemingly finishing a business deal right in the middle. Gibbs called out "NCIS! Put your hands in the air and get-!"

Whatever ever else Gibbs was going to say was cut off by the pulling guns and shooting at the two groups. They all clambered to get behind some cover while returning fire. The group in the middle, however, and no cover near them at all, and that played a huge part the gun fight. While a few of the men scrambled to get to their own cover, most just stayed put shooting at whatever moved. One of the men went down so quickly he had to have been shot by friendly fire.

During an extremely tense half hour, in which Dinozzo was grazed on the arm by a bullet, the NCIS agents systematically took down the drug dealers in the warehouse with apparent ease.

When the shooting stopped, Gibbs stuck his head out around the boxes. Upon not being shot he stood and got a better view. All of the criminals were down for the count. "Anyone hurt?" he asked his team softly, examining them for any signs of injury.

"I got scratched a little on my arm boss, but I'm fine."

Gibbs gave Tony a piercing look, examining him for any signs that the wound was worse than he said. Giving him a nod Gibs then called out, "Sanders! Is your team alright?"

"Ya Gibbs," He replied, "The didn't even really fire much in this direction. Too focused on you guys I suppose."

"Good! Lets get these scumbags taken care of then!"

At that, both teams headed into the center to start checking wounds and arresting people. An agent on Sanders' team, Harriet Reynolds, called for a couple of ambulances for the critically injured and then called back to headquarters to report in that the bust had gone well.

Gibbs and Ziva headed over to the side where the men that had run to cover had gone down, while Tony and McGee joined the other team in dealing with the main mass of people, checking for pulses, taking guns away, giving basic first aid to those they could help and trying to keep the others alive until the ambulances arrived (They didn't want NCIS to be sued for negligence or anything after all).

It was in the center this that Tim noticed a movement out of the corner of his eye. Without even thinking about it, he moved to push his partner out of the way.

A shot went off.

* * *

When Tony got back to the bullpen that night, it was completely empty and dark. But most of all, it was quiet. The silence was heavy and oppressive and Tony hated it. He was angrier than he had been in a long time, and the blame rested squarely on one persons shoulders.

"-I didn't need your help!"

"I know."

Tony hated McGee more than anyone right then. "Why are you here, McGee? If you know so god damned much then why the hell are you still here!"

"It's not your fault Tony."

Those words reverberated straight through Tony's core. Slowly, he sank down onto the floor and held his head in his hands. "Gibbs and Ziva won't even look at me Tim. They blame me, and I can't fault them for it. It _is _my fault. God you should have heard Abby when she found out... How am I supposed to face them all? I got my Probie killed. I'm a terrible Senior Field Agent."

McGee sat on the floor next to him."No you aren't Tony. You taught me so much while I was on the team. None of this is your fault. Blame the asshole with the gun if you need to blame somebody."

Tony felt tears well up in his eyes. Looking at his partner...former partner... he didn't bother trying to stop them. "I'm the Senior Field Agent. It should have been me! First Kate, now you, this isn't supposed to be how it works Probie! Why did you take take that bullet for me? Why!"

"Because I know you would have done the same for me, and I never would have forgiven my self if I didn't try."

Tony gave a hallow, humorless laugh. "So you decided to let me shoulder the guilt instead." Tim said nothing. "I'm never going to forgive you for this."

"I know, Tony."

The two sat there in silence for the better part of an hour, neither saying anything, content to let the silence hang between them.

"Go home Tony. Get some sleep, you're gonna need it for tomorrow."

"I can't."

"Yes you can. Its better than sitting here in the dark at work all night."

"How would you know? Its not like you're really here."

Tim didn't respond to the barb, instead repeating, "Go home Tony."

Tony gave up on fighting. He stood, and McGee did as well. Looking at him one last time, he said, "I'm gonna miss you, Probie. Take care or Kate for me, ok?"

With a small smile on his face, Tim replied, "Sure Tony."

Tony turned and headed for the elevator, knowing if he looked back now he would probably lose his resolve. Just before the elevator doors closed he looked back into the bullpen.

It was empty.

**AN: I was listening to "Waiting for my real life to begin" by Colin Hay, and this just popped into my head. Its staying a one shot for now, but maybe sometime in the future I might add on another chapter. Who knows right now^.^ Let me know what you guys think!**


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